Expecting the best

A friend posted, “I’ve learned that if you don’t have expectations of people, they can’t disappoint you.”

I guess there are two ways to take that.

I’ve found that the best way to avoid being disappointed by people is to believe the best about them. First, no one can make you disappointed. They might do something disappointing, but you always have the choice of what to focus on, what meaning to give it, and what to say and do about it (see Tony Robbins and Joyce Meyer). Second, it’s not about you. By this I mean, almost always the way people act is not malicious or careless of you, it is much more driven by what they are experiencing in that moment. I encourage you to consider how you would like others to think about you. Do you want them to expect the best from you and understand if you disappoint them? Or would you rather people say, “she probably won’t keep her commitment.”

This is especially important when you’re on the receiving end of care. The mornings when I wake up dreading the day and imagining what someone might do that disappoints me, I end up finding fault with caregivers and being so grouchy that we’re both miserable. Thankfully, longtime aides must be expecting better from me and know how to gently tease me into a good mood.